Love Yourself Wildly- Shut up.
There is a certain sacred space you hold for yourself when you keep something to yourself. Social media platforms have created an atmosphere where sharing life details is so normalized, I had to retrain myself to keep some things to myself. In late 2019, my side hustle job started to gain major momentum after I had worked my ass off building it for the past 6 years. It was reaching a point where I actually had to make a decision that required a shit ton of courage: whether to take a big contract and leave my day job, or say no to the contract. I chose the former. Despite having worked hard to build my business and having prepared myself for this moment (luck is where preparation meets opportunity, after all), it was the biggest, most terrifying decision of my life. The day I gave my notice, I was so happy I could have danced down the street. I was so excited, I couldn’t wait to tell everyone. But you know what I didn’t do? Tell everyone. In fact, I hardly told anyone. And I sure as hell didn’t share anything about it on social media. I needed to “show, not tell” on this one, otherwise I was afraid I would face a wall of criticism and negativity that I knew wouldn’t be useful for my personal growth. There is a certain power in working at something privately instead of talking about it. You do you, but this was a big turning point for me. - Admit when you need help and learn how to ask for it.
I have suffered so much burnout from not doing this. I have lived my life as a very independent person because I needed to be, and that is a habit that is very hard to relearn. But once I learned when I needed help and how to ask for it, I felt like life became that much easier. People want to see you do well. Or at least my people do. And they are more than happy to lend a hand in most occasions. It could be something as little as asking a tall person to help you organize the top shelf of your closet. - Learn how to set (and enforce) boundaries.
Setting boundaries is one thing, but enforcing them is a whole ‘nuther beast. One thing that I wasn’t prepared for was, some people didn’t like me very much at first, because I was changing the game. I wasn’t playing the same way they expected me to. But this lead to a better life. I learned that if enforcing the boundary was turning into a big tricky conversation where I felt like I was spinning around in circles, the answer wasn’t boundaries at all. It was cutting the person out entirely. I know that may sound harsh, but I am so used to gaslighting from other people that I didn’t even know that’s what the boundary crossers were doing. If the person is out for your best interest, they will respect your boundaries. - Stop being intimidated by other people’s successes.
We aren’t in competition with each other, we are in competition with ourselves. In the past, when I met someone who seemed to have their shit together, I used to get down on myself and my own achievements. Like, how did that person get where they are and I’m still here where I am? Now, I stop those thoughts in their tracks, and I think they’re on their own journey and I’m on mine. Also, just because someone seems to be a master of adulting, doesn’t mean they actually are. It’s likely that they suffer from the same insecurities as everyone else. Be happy for them. Go easy on yourself and others. - Be yourself.
I spent a lot of my life, especially when I was working in corporate environments, trying to be something that I was not. I know there is an expectation to be professional in office environments, but unfortunately I forgot who I was. I lost my funny. Now, when I visit corporate environments as a contractor, I make sure to lead with my personality and humour. I guess it feels like more of a risk to put myself out there but I am proud that I have built a life for myself where I can be more authentic and real. - It’s okay to feel shitty.
I used to have a tendency to beat myself up and call myself a loser if I was having an off day or feeling depressed or just shitty. I find it helpful to accept that I’m human and if I’m feeling shitty I treat myself like I might treat a friend or a young child. I acknowledge that I’m feeling shitty and I don’t ask for any explanation. I just say “what can I do to help you feel less shitty?” and I sit with that question for a bit. Even if I don’t know how to feel better, it feels good just to acknowledge it. - Get out of debt and stop living beyond your means.
I’m still working on this one, and it’s really difficult. My drinking had really put me in some trouble financially. I call drinking a hole in the bottom of my financial boat because once I sobered up, it felt like I had plugged that hole up. Living in Vancouver is expensive and it can be really tough, but getting out of debt is really empowering. Start with the smallest debt and chip away at it until you pay it off, and the feeling of victory and accomplishment will give you momentum to keep going. - Save some emergency money.
Same as above. It’s hard in this city and saving is not something that I have entirely mastered. But in order to create a better life for myself, I needed to start paying myself first and stop living paycheque to paycheque. I have a negative relationship with money from my childhood which I have been working on for nearly 20 years! Old habits die hard. But I started with a smaller amount, just to practice “holding on” to money, and put it in a separate account. - Lean into “ugly” self-care.
I have a confession to make. I HATE housework and grocery shopping. But I have found that when I am on top of those niggly household things, my mental health and my life feels a lot better. I start small, by making my bed every day. If I don’t do that for one or two days, I take a mental health inventory with myself and usually something is off. Truth is, some self care is not fun or rewarding or soothing, it’s WORK. But afterward I always feel better knowing that I’m being a good caretaker to myself.
I hope some of these helped. Good luck being your badass self and starting 2020 on the best foot. I think this is going to be the best decade ever!
